its been a while since last aku write..
hmm.. nk ckap pasal pe ek..
well, basically sekarang ni life overall cm biasa xde mslh but dulu tyme mude (chei tue la sgt) ad these few stories..
nk cte detailed takut terkantoi..
hmm..
mcm ni lah, cte from 1st pov, selamat la k0wt.. huhuu..
sometimes life is unfair,
no matter how hard u try to deny it,
its the truth,
trying so hard to deny those negative feelings, doubts and also regrets,
but you can never lie to your heart,
the feeling of dismay and betrayal still crept inside you,
i wanted to lie telling that i'm happy,
i wanted to smile like there's no problems at all
and i wanted to laugh like elmo did,
but the thing is i can't really fake what i wish i could,
i could never be a hypocrite,
i could never cheat myself,
i just cant,
its as simple as that,( simple?? yeaah, right...)
no matter how hard you act up in front others,
no matter how hard you try to hide yourself in the dark,
it always seems to shine,
being betrayed is not an issue but actually its a damn crisis!
until now i cant accept the truth that my so called best friend stab me from behind,
i cant accept the fact that he/she was just acting up innocent,
i cant accept the fact that everything i believe in them are all lies,
innocent black lies,
why must they envy me?
why must they do that to me??
i did nothing wrong..
maybe i'm a bit different from others,
but thats who i am,
i wont act up as if i'm innocent if i'm not,
i wont act as an angel if deep down i know i'm half of everything,
maybe i dont really like to portray myself good in front of others,
maybe i like to show the bad part of me,
maybe i like to be just me instead of pretending but somehow people just dont understand,
people always misunderstood me, misjudge me and hate me for that,
is it wrong to be different, to be yourself,
i dont lie if i dont have too,
i just want to be frank with everyone so that they know me for who i am,
not for who they want me to be,
even my own best friend did that to me,
what wrong doings i did to them till they hate me like sh*t?,
i'm just taking care my own space,
but they like to sneak up, jumble all the facts and blame the fault at the different one,
i try to keep quite, forgive and forget, let go the past, things happen, human fault,
but until when must i keep quite as a mice?
even i myself is a human with many mistakes,
i hate myself for being such a hardheaded person,
i hate myself for being too protective over myself, and
i hate myself for not being able to believe in people,
among 100,000 crowds in the world 1 of them shines in my eyes,
a true friend that sticks like glue, and the bestest buddy that nailed you,
is the only one that i really open up,
of all the people in the world most of them are selfish,
selfish for their own needs and it doesn't struck in their head that betrayal is a disgrace,
sigh...
that's really the reason why i've started to hate myself,
building walls around me just to protect myslef from them,
if everyone can accept people for who they are,
life would be totally awesome!
but as we always heard, and will always repeat in time,
life is not a fairy tale, not everything ends with a happy ending,
but i really wish that after all these treacherous crisis, i hope that there's a bright light that shines my life, my path that will always help me to go through in life and also a light that shine's with sunny happiness..
haha.. the end, its kind of confusing right? believe me, i know.. even i'm myself twisted with my words, but these words came from heart not for the mind,
i wrote by my heart not by my head,
being true its better that being a big fat lair,
hope you understand though a piece of my mind..
hehe.. adios!
XOXOXO
