haha..
siot glerr..
ak baca td cerpen yg ak tulis nama dye lebay kuang sme ngan nama dak kelas ak..
siot glerr.. hahahaa.. apala nasib badan.. huhuu..
bengong tul.. huhuu..
kalo tuan empunya terbaca, ak minx maaf gne nama ko..
xknal ko pn tyme niyh.. huhuu..
scr xsgja..
jgn mara bro.. but ak harap ko xbaca!!..
amin^^
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
a piece of my mind!
its been a while since last aku write..
hmm.. nk ckap pasal pe ek..
well, basically sekarang ni life overall cm biasa xde mslh but dulu tyme mude (chei tue la sgt) ad these few stories..
nk cte detailed takut terkantoi..
hmm..
mcm ni lah, cte from 1st pov, selamat la k0wt.. huhuu..
sometimes life is unfair,
no matter how hard u try to deny it,
its the truth,
trying so hard to deny those negative feelings, doubts and also regrets,
but you can never lie to your heart,
the feeling of dismay and betrayal still crept inside you,
i wanted to lie telling that i'm happy,
i wanted to smile like there's no problems at all
and i wanted to laugh like elmo did,
but the thing is i can't really fake what i wish i could,
i could never be a hypocrite,
i could never cheat myself,
i just cant,
its as simple as that,( simple?? yeaah, right...)
no matter how hard you act up in front others,
no matter how hard you try to hide yourself in the dark,
it always seems to shine,
being betrayed is not an issue but actually its a damn crisis!
until now i cant accept the truth that my so called best friend stab me from behind,
i cant accept the fact that he/she was just acting up innocent,
i cant accept the fact that everything i believe in them are all lies,
innocent black lies,
why must they envy me?
why must they do that to me??
i did nothing wrong..
maybe i'm a bit different from others,
but thats who i am,
i wont act up as if i'm innocent if i'm not,
i wont act as an angel if deep down i know i'm half of everything,
maybe i dont really like to portray myself good in front of others,
maybe i like to show the bad part of me,
maybe i like to be just me instead of pretending but somehow people just dont understand,
people always misunderstood me, misjudge me and hate me for that,
is it wrong to be different, to be yourself,
i dont lie if i dont have too,
i just want to be frank with everyone so that they know me for who i am,
not for who they want me to be,
even my own best friend did that to me,
what wrong doings i did to them till they hate me like sh*t?,
i'm just taking care my own space,
but they like to sneak up, jumble all the facts and blame the fault at the different one,
i try to keep quite, forgive and forget, let go the past, things happen, human fault,
but until when must i keep quite as a mice?
even i myself is a human with many mistakes,
i hate myself for being such a hardheaded person,
i hate myself for being too protective over myself, and
i hate myself for not being able to believe in people,
among 100,000 crowds in the world 1 of them shines in my eyes,
a true friend that sticks like glue, and the bestest buddy that nailed you,
is the only one that i really open up,
of all the people in the world most of them are selfish,
selfish for their own needs and it doesn't struck in their head that betrayal is a disgrace,
sigh...
that's really the reason why i've started to hate myself,
building walls around me just to protect myslef from them,
if everyone can accept people for who they are,
life would be totally awesome!
but as we always heard, and will always repeat in time,
life is not a fairy tale, not everything ends with a happy ending,
but i really wish that after all these treacherous crisis, i hope that there's a bright light that shines my life, my path that will always help me to go through in life and also a light that shine's with sunny happiness..
haha.. the end, its kind of confusing right? believe me, i know.. even i'm myself twisted with my words, but these words came from heart not for the mind,
i wrote by my heart not by my head,
being true its better that being a big fat lair,
hope you understand though a piece of my mind..
hehe.. adios!
XOXOXO
hmm.. nk ckap pasal pe ek..
well, basically sekarang ni life overall cm biasa xde mslh but dulu tyme mude (chei tue la sgt) ad these few stories..
nk cte detailed takut terkantoi..
hmm..
mcm ni lah, cte from 1st pov, selamat la k0wt.. huhuu..
sometimes life is unfair,
no matter how hard u try to deny it,
its the truth,
trying so hard to deny those negative feelings, doubts and also regrets,
but you can never lie to your heart,
the feeling of dismay and betrayal still crept inside you,
i wanted to lie telling that i'm happy,
i wanted to smile like there's no problems at all
and i wanted to laugh like elmo did,
but the thing is i can't really fake what i wish i could,
i could never be a hypocrite,
i could never cheat myself,
i just cant,
its as simple as that,( simple?? yeaah, right...)
no matter how hard you act up in front others,
no matter how hard you try to hide yourself in the dark,
it always seems to shine,
being betrayed is not an issue but actually its a damn crisis!
until now i cant accept the truth that my so called best friend stab me from behind,
i cant accept the fact that he/she was just acting up innocent,
i cant accept the fact that everything i believe in them are all lies,
innocent black lies,
why must they envy me?
why must they do that to me??
i did nothing wrong..
maybe i'm a bit different from others,
but thats who i am,
i wont act up as if i'm innocent if i'm not,
i wont act as an angel if deep down i know i'm half of everything,
maybe i dont really like to portray myself good in front of others,
maybe i like to show the bad part of me,
maybe i like to be just me instead of pretending but somehow people just dont understand,
people always misunderstood me, misjudge me and hate me for that,
is it wrong to be different, to be yourself,
i dont lie if i dont have too,
i just want to be frank with everyone so that they know me for who i am,
not for who they want me to be,
even my own best friend did that to me,
what wrong doings i did to them till they hate me like sh*t?,
i'm just taking care my own space,
but they like to sneak up, jumble all the facts and blame the fault at the different one,
i try to keep quite, forgive and forget, let go the past, things happen, human fault,
but until when must i keep quite as a mice?
even i myself is a human with many mistakes,
i hate myself for being such a hardheaded person,
i hate myself for being too protective over myself, and
i hate myself for not being able to believe in people,
among 100,000 crowds in the world 1 of them shines in my eyes,
a true friend that sticks like glue, and the bestest buddy that nailed you,
is the only one that i really open up,
of all the people in the world most of them are selfish,
selfish for their own needs and it doesn't struck in their head that betrayal is a disgrace,
sigh...
that's really the reason why i've started to hate myself,
building walls around me just to protect myslef from them,
if everyone can accept people for who they are,
life would be totally awesome!
but as we always heard, and will always repeat in time,
life is not a fairy tale, not everything ends with a happy ending,
but i really wish that after all these treacherous crisis, i hope that there's a bright light that shines my life, my path that will always help me to go through in life and also a light that shine's with sunny happiness..
haha.. the end, its kind of confusing right? believe me, i know.. even i'm myself twisted with my words, but these words came from heart not for the mind,
i wrote by my heart not by my head,
being true its better that being a big fat lair,
hope you understand though a piece of my mind..
hehe.. adios!
XOXOXO
Saturday, February 28, 2009
luahan hati aku.
Hidup aku ni macam novel.
Macam2 konflik.
From kecik, aku gaduh dgn kawan aku coz dia tahla tikam aku dr belakang, besfren plak tue.
Then dah besar sikit gaduh ngan mamat cina sorg sampai tulang kaki retak and tulang jari kanan yang kecik tue retak gak. Lebam tue tak yah citelerr.
Sampai sekarang ada bekas tulang retak tue..
Caya tak? tak caya sudah~
Pastu kena tikam dari belakang lagi pasal pe ak pun tak tau tapi for sure bukan salah aku dia salah paham.
I mean seriously, kenapa lah banyak sangat dugaan yang harus aku tempuhi kut mana aku pi.
Bila la nak senang and lancar perjalanan aku niyh?
Dah guna minyak shell tapi tak lancar2 pon. Kerek je lebih.
Kat tempat keje plak tak habis2 aku kena hentam sebab datang lambat.
Dia ingat aku saja suka2 datang lambat, suka gaji aku kena potong? Hampeh~
Keja macam nk mampuih gaji kena potong sbab dtg lmbt boleh blah..
Dah tren tue buat hal salah aku ke? Ada hari tue nak je aku tekan butang interkom tue cakap kat driver tren tue 'Oi! Bawak la cepat sket~ Orang nk pi keje bukan nak makan angin. Kurang ajar betul pasal tren lembap aku kena dengar ceramah free.
Serious aku memang boleh senyum konon2 takde pape tapi memang aku senyum tak ikhlas, hipokrit.'
But Alhamdulillah sekarang masalah kena ceramah free dah makin berkurang cuma sekarang dalam dilemma.
Dulu, konon2 aku ada janji dengan sorang ni nak gi satu u sama dengan dia.
Dia tuntut janji tu sampai sekarang but sungguh aku tak nampak pon keseriusan dia. Dah tue dia macam bagi aku was2 jer.
Kang aku masuk u yang sama dengan dia dia abaikan aku dan wat lantak je kewujudanku.
Cam bengong je. Atleast kalo ko betul2 nakkan aku masuk satu u dgn ko bagilah aku nmpk kesungguhan ko, ni nyer tak aku nampak dye mcm main2 jer tapi takkan la dah 2 tahun berlalu dia still main2.. ke dia nk test aku?? Arghh!!! siot~ aku mmg tak tau.
Aku memang failure dalam bab cinta ni. aku rasa aku nak tutup jer buku cinta niyh..
Dah macam2 kes aku kena, kzen aku sndiri la, bdak cina la, bdak mlayu la, bdk indon la, bdk india pon ada, tomboy pon ada.. Erk.. seram! besfren la hah besfren pnyer bf la.. ee~ ngeri!!!
Nak test power pon pilih orang la jugak. ni pilih aku. punyalah byk orang nk test power aku jugak jadi mangsa. siot tul!
Dah tu aku ni pendek kata member aku ckp ada 2 personaliti. satu ok satu lagi teruk sketlah.
for now yang truk tue belum tunjuk lg la kat opis so mmg bebudak sama keje ngan tmpat keje aku tak tau but... yang skola sama dgn aku tau la kot.'
Ada satu masa ni aku boleh jadi macam angel, innocent, baik, xsuka lawan cakap and etc.. Pandai amik hati lah kelakar la or so whatsoever but ada satu time ni aku boleh jadi ala2 pervert la.. Gatal gler dgn mata aku so convincing. Nak wat gedik2 pon jadi, manja nak usha org pon sume ckup but for now aku cuba content la perangai burok tue. Dengan suka memberontaknye, suka menjawabnya and so on haishh.. pening aku.
Sekarang
aku try pasif but kkdg ni ada entiti2 ni yang boleh menggugat aku. Dahla aku ni pendendam so susah sket aku nk lupakn kisah silam. Aku boleh maafkan okay no hal but kalo dah tembak aku 4-5 kali duk conteng muka aku dgn arang jangan harap maaf boleh datang dgn petik jari.
Sometimes aku jadi emo coz aku tak tau perasaan apa aku nak salurkan, cara2 aku nak kurangkan tekanan orang yang tak paham perli2 la suka menangis la apa benda tah. Ada aku kesah. Ko tak tau hidup aku ni macam mana susah senang dia jadi jangan nak pandai2 jaga tepi kain orang. Suka hati akulah nak nangis ke gelak ke janji aku tak meletup. Ko tak rasa apa aku rasa, ko tak rasa ketegangan yang aku alami jadi jangan belagak ko tau sume benda. Ko tak tau sejak umo berapa aku jadi matang, aku je yang tau. Aku je dengan Tuhanku. Ko tau ke masa kecik aku pernah terfikir nak larikan diri dari rumah la, bunuh la and so on cuma aku fikir balik masak2 dengan tiang agama aku yang Alhamdulillah still tak goyah agar tak wat perkara bodoh.. Aku benci giler2 bile masalah timbul, bikin panas jer.
Kadang2 benda kecik pon boleh buat aku bengang, bukan aku suka2 nak marah dah tue je emo yang menguasai diri aku but atlast aku try cover and aku rasa covering aku ni makin bagus la, jugak. hehehe.. kkdg aku bengang gak dgn member yang tak memahami ni. Harap aku sorg je paham je dia tak nak paham aku boleh blah. kirim salam jer. Aku memang bengkek gler dgn org macam ni. Bukan aku takde banyak, sampai aku boleh meletup but aku try tak nk meletup. Aku tak boleh bygkan bila aku dah smpai tahap climax. mesti teruk gler..
Hopefully takkan sampai! Amin~
Fuhhh.. luah gak apa yang terpendam selama ni. HAahaha.. Lega sket kang aku terasa nk tambah aku tambah.. Hahahaha^^
Macam2 konflik.
From kecik, aku gaduh dgn kawan aku coz dia tahla tikam aku dr belakang, besfren plak tue.
Then dah besar sikit gaduh ngan mamat cina sorg sampai tulang kaki retak and tulang jari kanan yang kecik tue retak gak. Lebam tue tak yah citelerr.
Sampai sekarang ada bekas tulang retak tue..
Caya tak? tak caya sudah~
Pastu kena tikam dari belakang lagi pasal pe ak pun tak tau tapi for sure bukan salah aku dia salah paham.
I mean seriously, kenapa lah banyak sangat dugaan yang harus aku tempuhi kut mana aku pi.
Bila la nak senang and lancar perjalanan aku niyh?
Dah guna minyak shell tapi tak lancar2 pon. Kerek je lebih.
Kat tempat keje plak tak habis2 aku kena hentam sebab datang lambat.
Dia ingat aku saja suka2 datang lambat, suka gaji aku kena potong? Hampeh~
Keja macam nk mampuih gaji kena potong sbab dtg lmbt boleh blah..
Dah tren tue buat hal salah aku ke? Ada hari tue nak je aku tekan butang interkom tue cakap kat driver tren tue 'Oi! Bawak la cepat sket~ Orang nk pi keje bukan nak makan angin. Kurang ajar betul pasal tren lembap aku kena dengar ceramah free.
Serious aku memang boleh senyum konon2 takde pape tapi memang aku senyum tak ikhlas, hipokrit.'
But Alhamdulillah sekarang masalah kena ceramah free dah makin berkurang cuma sekarang dalam dilemma.
Dulu, konon2 aku ada janji dengan sorang ni nak gi satu u sama dengan dia.
Dia tuntut janji tu sampai sekarang but sungguh aku tak nampak pon keseriusan dia. Dah tue dia macam bagi aku was2 jer.
Kang aku masuk u yang sama dengan dia dia abaikan aku dan wat lantak je kewujudanku.
Cam bengong je. Atleast kalo ko betul2 nakkan aku masuk satu u dgn ko bagilah aku nmpk kesungguhan ko, ni nyer tak aku nampak dye mcm main2 jer tapi takkan la dah 2 tahun berlalu dia still main2.. ke dia nk test aku?? Arghh!!! siot~ aku mmg tak tau.
Aku memang failure dalam bab cinta ni. aku rasa aku nak tutup jer buku cinta niyh..
Dah macam2 kes aku kena, kzen aku sndiri la, bdak cina la, bdak mlayu la, bdk indon la, bdk india pon ada, tomboy pon ada.. Erk.. seram! besfren la hah besfren pnyer bf la.. ee~ ngeri!!!
Nak test power pon pilih orang la jugak. ni pilih aku. punyalah byk orang nk test power aku jugak jadi mangsa. siot tul!
Dah tu aku ni pendek kata member aku ckp ada 2 personaliti. satu ok satu lagi teruk sketlah.
for now yang truk tue belum tunjuk lg la kat opis so mmg bebudak sama keje ngan tmpat keje aku tak tau but... yang skola sama dgn aku tau la kot.'
Ada satu masa ni aku boleh jadi macam angel, innocent, baik, xsuka lawan cakap and etc.. Pandai amik hati lah kelakar la or so whatsoever but ada satu time ni aku boleh jadi ala2 pervert la.. Gatal gler dgn mata aku so convincing. Nak wat gedik2 pon jadi, manja nak usha org pon sume ckup but for now aku cuba content la perangai burok tue. Dengan suka memberontaknye, suka menjawabnya and so on haishh.. pening aku.
Sekarang
aku try pasif but kkdg ni ada entiti2 ni yang boleh menggugat aku. Dahla aku ni pendendam so susah sket aku nk lupakn kisah silam. Aku boleh maafkan okay no hal but kalo dah tembak aku 4-5 kali duk conteng muka aku dgn arang jangan harap maaf boleh datang dgn petik jari.
Sometimes aku jadi emo coz aku tak tau perasaan apa aku nak salurkan, cara2 aku nak kurangkan tekanan orang yang tak paham perli2 la suka menangis la apa benda tah. Ada aku kesah. Ko tak tau hidup aku ni macam mana susah senang dia jadi jangan nak pandai2 jaga tepi kain orang. Suka hati akulah nak nangis ke gelak ke janji aku tak meletup. Ko tak rasa apa aku rasa, ko tak rasa ketegangan yang aku alami jadi jangan belagak ko tau sume benda. Ko tak tau sejak umo berapa aku jadi matang, aku je yang tau. Aku je dengan Tuhanku. Ko tau ke masa kecik aku pernah terfikir nak larikan diri dari rumah la, bunuh la and so on cuma aku fikir balik masak2 dengan tiang agama aku yang Alhamdulillah still tak goyah agar tak wat perkara bodoh.. Aku benci giler2 bile masalah timbul, bikin panas jer.
Kadang2 benda kecik pon boleh buat aku bengang, bukan aku suka2 nak marah dah tue je emo yang menguasai diri aku but atlast aku try cover and aku rasa covering aku ni makin bagus la, jugak. hehehe.. kkdg aku bengang gak dgn member yang tak memahami ni. Harap aku sorg je paham je dia tak nak paham aku boleh blah. kirim salam jer. Aku memang bengkek gler dgn org macam ni. Bukan aku takde banyak, sampai aku boleh meletup but aku try tak nk meletup. Aku tak boleh bygkan bila aku dah smpai tahap climax. mesti teruk gler..
Hopefully takkan sampai! Amin~
Fuhhh.. luah gak apa yang terpendam selama ni. HAahaha.. Lega sket kang aku terasa nk tambah aku tambah.. Hahahaha^^
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